No choice but to roll with it
I’ve always been a person of routine. In my mind, there is a catalogue of step-by-step instructions for every single thing I do in my life, and I repeat each one with exactness each time. I find comfort in the sameness. This is why I’ve always loved soft/fizzy drink and never had a coffee; I can’t understand how you’d order the same drink from 100 places and it taste different every time.
Having a baby has really rocked this lifestyle for me. In the early weeks of his life, I’d find myself puzzled by the fact that one night everything would go right, and I’d copy the same routine the next night and there’d be a totally different outcome. I had to surrender my usual approach, and accept that each day would be different. It was oddly freeing (albeit confronting), and took me away from my mind and process so that I could just be present and roll with it.
There are certainly ways I can bring my usual approach to parenting, though. I have mastered the post-bath routine, complete with a checklist of getting the baby sudocreme'd, Vitamin D’d, and dressed for bed, with some soothing soft pop playing in the background that we sing along to. Once he’s feeding, I return to the bathroom to pack up, following a few specific steps. This helps scratch-the-process-itch before the unpredictable nature of putting him down to sleep commences.
There’s also rocking back and forth and pacing up and down that can be very soothing to a busy mind (and, thankfully, a crying baby).
All this to say, my advice to new and expecting parents (particularly neurodivergent ones): get ready to roll with it.