On ageing
It was my birthday yesterday; I am officially 36 years old.
Some have made comments about how I don’t look 36 in an effort to make me feel better about ageing.
I am always puzzled by comments like this. Firstly, what does 36 look like? And how am I meant to respond? If I say thank you, it implies I see that as a compliment; but how else do you react? That kind of comment implies that I should be feeling bad about getting and looking older, and I genuinely don’t.
The only adjustment for me is the realisation that for so long I’ve seen ‘your 40s’ as a far away concept, but now when I describe someone in their late 30s / early 40s, I’m describing a peer; someone I went to school with, who is my siblings’ ages, and those who grew up listening to the same music and using the same lingo as me.
Suddenly the distance between my friends who are 30 feels much greater, than those who are 40. And though this distance is so minor, and hasn’t extended in length (I’ve always been six years older), there is a sense of a re-categorisation of where I am placed. I’ll now tick a different box on forms. I will adjust to saying I’m in my mid to late 30s, and with that, carry what others perceive that to mean and look like.
To mark the occasion, I got a new haircut. It’s quite different, with the sides much shorter than the back (it is not quite a mullet, but definitely mullet-adjacent).
Whenever I look in the mirror, I admire the colours of the sides above my ears. As a redhead, I’ve had the same colour hair since day dot. It has only started to lighten in the last few years, and now the sides are a peppering of reds, blondes and white.
In my early 20s, I was lucky to know a vibrant and enigmatic person named Joe. He was a redhead too, with a showman’s personality that drew people in and always brought the fun. He died suddenly at the age of 26.
His life and his death have stayed with me ever since. When I look in the mirror and see my changing hair, I think of him. I wonder, would his hair have changed in the same way? What might he look like now? Who would he be, if he got the chance to keep on living?
I am filled with gratitude to age and grow older. I look 36, because I am 36, and I’m excited for what adventures, challenges and self-discoveries await me this coming year.