New parent, old tricks
I always had this back-of-mind thought that becoming a parent would mark the end of creativity and adventure. You often see the narrative play out that having kids somehow ruins grand plans of chasing dreams and becoming someone. That the fate of parenting is to give up what you care about and dedicate your life to rushing around and picking up after some cheeky, sticky toddler.
I am only five months in, and there is plenty of time for this to change (and for my baby to grow into said sticky toddler), but something that I am most shocked by on this parenting journey is just how open the world feels to me.
It feels wanky to say, but the only way I can describe it is that I feel inspired. I’m singing and playing instruments everyday, I’m reading, listening to music, and writing these blogs. How I see and describe the world around me feels very reminiscent of how I did at 18 years old; when creativity and time was all I had.
Part of me thinks that I let life swallow me up all these years; because it was easier to rush and work and worry than it was to sit still and be present.
With a baby, life is very still. Not in the literal sense, but in the grounded-ness of it. It’s zooming in to life’s fundamentals of eating, sleeping, crying, pooing and just being plopped on the floor, fascinated by the roof and your own hands.
I am very comforted by this routine. I am comforted by having nowhere to rush to, and finding joy in my immediate surroundings. I can see why many struggle with the parenting transition, particularly those who love to be out and about and thrive on the go-go-go but for me, it’s felt like running home, and the start of something, not the end.
Note: I acknowledge that I am the non birthing parent, so I’m not carrying the burden of healing from childbirth and the ongoing demands of breastfeeding. Because of this, I know it makes it easier to feel and discover what I’ve described in this post. I share this reflection as an alternate narrative to what is out there, and not to make anyone feel negatively about their own parenting experience.