Gender expansive parenting
I have respect for those who raise their children completely without gender, but we decided against it.
The only real way we gender our little one is through pronouns, and the occasional ‘good boy’. His clothes, room, toys and name are all neutral and we treat him with tenderness and affectionate love (which we’ve learnt recently that people offer less to baby boys). Of course there are unconscious biases that may slip in, but for the most part, we give our baby the whole rainbow, rather than just one colour.
We decided it was more important to create a space for our child to explore gender and expression, and be safe to share if his assigned gender doesn’t feel right, if/when he’s ready.
For me, a big part of discovering my gender identity was the clear feeling of knowing I was not what I'd been assigned. The discomfort, anguish and lack-of-language to describe it was simply a product of the time I grew up. Now, I hope to create a space for my little one to see what affirmation can look and feel like, regardless of being cis or trans. He's got the paintbrush - we just prep the canvas.
Gender seems to be the number one topic when talking about a baby. People are so quick to ask if they're a boy or girl, or they assess the outfit the baby is wearing and proceed to say things like 'hello little man' or 'sweet princess' (we get 'princess' often, because heaven forbid a boy wears purple or something with flowers on it!).
It takes courage to raise a child in a gender-expansive way. There's no perfect way to do it. It's not easy when the depths of the gender binary (and its good friends misogyny, sexism and the patriarchy) exist in every structure and in every person in their own unique ways. My plan is just to love my kid as they are, and who they know themself to be.
source: @iamsitting